The candles were blown out to quickly

My very first blog I introduced a young man the I named the Shady Faggot. And originally I thought he was a foe. Well as time went on I learned that he was not a foe but a wayward spirit. His real name was Bryen Chaze, and he was a good guy. But last night as I was blowing out the candles and making the wish that my 24th year would be one with out turmoil and grief Bryen was hanging himself from the rafter in his basement. Last night Bryen said goodbye to this world and if you will allow me I want to try to sort out the emotions.
I write this with tears running down my face. Just yesterday Bryen called to wish me happy birthday. I was silly excited about this because he was the only friend to remember my birthday. He said "Well, I am going into the barrel to get my check now, but I wanted to say happy birthday and let you know that I hope your day is fun. I will see you tomorrow at work and I will give you your birthday gift then." I was so happy that he remembered my birthday and that he had actually thought to get me a gift. As we said goodbye I never thought for a million years that I would wake up and hear the news that I did.
The story is still foggy and I am not sure that I will ever know the whole truth, but I do know that he had a fight with the love of his life Todd. And as Todd was out whoring around with some guy named Justin, Bryen kept calling and pleaing for Todd to talk to him. The final message Bryen left Todd told Todd of Bryen's plans to end his life. Todd didn't bother to call back or call anyone else to help him. Todd is a killer. His apathy killed Bryen. He is also the most cruel person I have ever heard of. As I was at work crying on and off Todd was at Bryen's house pillaging and taking everything that wasn't nailed down. Bryen's room mate was in shock and could not muster up the strength to stop Todd. Bryen's room mate came into the barrel to tell me this at which time she looks me in the eyes and says "Bryen loved you and he said he wished you all had become friends sooner." I lost it and ran crying into the back.
At this moment I am sad. I keep thinking that maybe it isn't real. That maybe when I wake up in the morning I will find out that this is all just a really bad joke. But unfortunately I know that the truth is Bryen is gone. And while there is many to blame it is to late to do anything about them. This boy had a hard 22 years. His family disowned him and made it clear that they did not love him. His love made it clear that he did not love him. And I didn't have enough time to make it clear that I did love him.
I am also mad at Bryen. All he had to do is pick up the phone and I would have been there. He was not alone in this world and he didn't even give me the chance to save him. My heart is broken because another young, talented, gay man is dead over the typical gay tragedy.
I hope now that where ever he is he is happy and that he knows that he was loved. I hope he is smiling and looking on from heaven with some really hot guy. Because the boy deserves it. After 22 years of pain I hope now he is free. I feel blessed and cursed all at the same time. Blessed that I got to know the real Bryen before he passed on and cursed because I have to feel the pain of losing him. But I am truly glad that I knew him and made him happy, even for just awhile. Bryen Chaze was a character and I know that my life was a bit richer because of him.

Goodbye Bryen, I wont see you tomorrow, but I will see you again.