God?? Will you pick up the phone?

Now before you pull out your shot guns and attempt to blow me away I want to make it known that I don't hate Christ. And well him dying for me I have no problem with either. What I have a problem with is the strictly Sunday Christians. You all know who you are. You are the people that are rude, obnoxious, and drive the speed limit in the far left lane forcing all those behind you to read your "rapture is coming" bumpersticker over and over. Monday through Saturday you treat humanity as if it were your toilet paper then you rise early on Sunday go and say a Amen or two and you are absolved of your sins. Really?? You buy that?? Well, guess what I have a bridge you can buy cheap too.
See the problem with the modern Christian is they have forgotten the whole love thy neighbor bit and focus entirely to much on the a man should not lie down with a man as he lays down with a woman. Which to me is not God being anti gay it is actually God being pro doggy style. Which I think we all no is the number one way a gay couple has sex, while us straightys tend to rely on missionary. So in theory God was just giving gays a clue there, that if they want to have sex they can't do it the same way they would do with a woman.
I recently was speaking with Clementine about the Christian God and how I wish he was the old testament God as opposed to the "new" one. You see old God left nothing up to faith. He made damn sure you knew he was there and that you were doing what he wanted. Old testament God needed no interpretation. No one would argue about what he meant when he said... Why? Because he was a proactive god. If you were attempting to build the tower of Babylon he would send a flock of geese to chew off your balls. In the old testament God would send down fire from the heavens for every minor infractions, like say the Rollingstones refusal to retire. He was micro managing and kicking ass. Then his son decided that it all seemed a little cruel and that maybe his Dad could forgive so he climbed on a cross and forgave his executioners for killing him. Then arose from the dead. Well, you all know the story. Now God is on some sort of long sabbatical and everything here on earth is going to hell. I know he is going to hate to come home and check his answering machine and attempt to answer all the prayers he missed while sipping a sex on the beach by the ocean in Eden. I know I have thrown a couple up to the heavens only to be ignored. Haven't we all?
You see Christians I am not saying that you are wrong. All I am saying is that your God is a bit out of the picture if you will. He isn't all that interested in you or your plight. Yet you continue to act as if he is there and lose precious sleep on Sunday to absolve yourself of your sins that he couldn't care less about. I am the opposite of you. I plan on being more protocol son then loyal follower. I will slip in at the finish line and claim all your glory. Because the new God is to busy lounging to keep tabs on me. So please put away your shot guns it is almost Sunday and you have some planning to do and cross to hang from.