Last Friday night was Bryen's memorial services. Earlier in the week his roommate and I discussed the need to do something because we were both so disappointed about not being able to attend the funeral. We decided that rather then have a room full of crying weeping people we would send Bryen off with a party. I can honestly say that this was a bitter sweet party full of tears, beers, laughter, and stories that should have never been told.
Bryen's death did the impossible. He bought employees and managers under one roof to celebrate a life and to mourn a death. Well, I cried everyone cried and I think Bryen realized how much people were hurting over losing him, so I will not dwell on the sadness instead I will make Bryen proud and dwell on the insanity.
I walked into the party and the first thing I heard was "There's my Shiela, I need my Shiela." James was crying out to me. James is a sweet guy. He is about 300 pounds, but I swear most of it is heart. He is a kind faggot who like most faggots has adopted me as his sister. I am "his Shiela" Seeing a faggot in distress I run over to him and ask him to talk. He begins the discussion by showing me the entire wine bottle that he has some how managed to down in 20 minutes. He is shit faced and distraught over losing another gay brother. I console him with words of comfort and make him laugh. His depression quickly changes into queasiness and I send him into the bathroom to puke. This is where James passed out until I drove him home that night because he was obviously in no shape to drive and his other ride left him.
Next as I am walking across the room about to go downstairs and see the place that Bryen had hung himself my manager Paul corners me. He tells me that this tragedy has shown him a great light in me that he never knew was there before. He says that he was grateful for all of my love of "his people" and that he was glad to see that light. I excused myself to go down stairs and deliver the flowers I brought for Bryen, and to also give him a stern but loving goodbye.
Ashley met me at the door to the basement because she said that I shouldn't go down there alone. I was grateful for that because I had something that I felt I need to confess to Bryen's bestfriend. I told her that when I first met Bryen I didn't like him. I expected her to say something like "why he was such a great guy" But instead she said "Don't feel bad when I first met Bryen I didn't like him either" Those words that she gave me helped me put my mind to ease. Some one else understood what it meant to have to work to remove Bryen's mask. I said goodbye to Bryen kissed the rafter that he hung from and joined the party.
While I was away it is important that you know two facts: first my manager Paul drank a whole lot more, second some "loving" Christians felt it was appropriate to tell Rachel Bryen's roommate that he was in hell. Ok got that? And Begin Scene:
Danielle this cool ass lesbian was beating this Christians ass. I mean not in a cat fight kind of way, but in a dike in the jail house courtyard kind of way. Me being the only sober one had to break up the fight. To be honest I didn't jump in right away because I felt that the Christian was getting what she deserved for going to someone's memorial and announcing that they were in hell. But when Danielle went after her with a beer bottle I had to stop it. As I am attempting to break up this battle Paul decides that it is time to announce in front of everyone there that he and Bryen had been having a love affair. This bomb got the Christian out of the hot seat and she slinked away to go home. When I heard this news my draw dropped. I knew that I had to do damage control because if this bit of info got out Paul would lose his job. I got Paul into the kitchen and told him to stay put. Then I found out who heard this confession and convinced them that Bryen's memorial was just like Vegas what happens there stays there. Luckily everyone agreed. But while I was away sugar coating a glorious bit of gossip that Bryen was probably laughing and pissing his pants when he saw Paul was in the kitchen drinking more and asking the other faggot employee's if he could put his hand in their pocket. There was no takers except Nate who let him do it and this is how I found Paul and Nate. At this point everyone started fleeing. James's ride left him and quickly it was just Paul, Nate (whose ride left him as well), Rachel, her boyfriend, and myself. I knew that I had to give both Nate and James a ride home so I decided that it was time for us to leave as well. As we are gathering our things Paul hugs me in a fag death grip and tell me that he knew that upset me about the whole Bryen going to hell thing and I started to cry again. Then Paul comforted me by reminding me that I knew all along in my heart that it wasn't true. That I always knew that God made gays and would not sentence them to hell. It worked I had a moment of clarity. My heart was shaken but it would not lie and I knew that Bryen was in heaven or something like that. But then I had my epiphany Bryen was going to be "punished" for committing suicide but his punishment was to watch over every single person that cried even a single tear for him. He now has a full time job protecting us. Paul agreed that I had it right then Paul went insane. When he spoke next he didn't come from left field he came from outerspace. He then proceeds to tell me that he knows God loves him because he has had sex with a priest on the alter of his church numerous times. Now he got pretty graphic and I got scared hearing about a holy penis, but his death grip was to tight I couldn't get away. I had to hear the entire uncomfortable story. After he was done I quickly ran out the door.
Now I know you are thinking that this is all a lie. But I promise you it is true. The Christian and the lesbian still wont speak to one another, Paul wont look me in the eyes, and Bryen is watching over me right now and laughing at his very shady, very weird Bryen-ish memorial.
